I know you are close, I don’t know what or who you are, I know you approach me, but ignore whether it is in time or space, yet I feel your presence constantly and lately.
Like last Sunday, for instance, that when going running at the park I looked behind every so often, because I felt as if you were following me. And then all of a sudden I believed that instead of behind me you were underground, and that’s why I went so uncomfortable, looking down and breathing forcefully. Or yesterday, that when returning from the office toward the parking lot, I kept looking up, for even the birds’ presence made me felt nervous.
Or today early morning, just before waking up I felt as if your breath was within an inch from my ear, along with a soft musk and flowers scent, and when opening my eyes I perceived nothing but darkness and silence, besides my own nervous sweat odour.
If you’re my past, and only want to know about my status quo, look: see the blood lines in my eyes, touch my skin scars, listen to my tired and clumsy voice, appreciate my firm yet slow walking. But also look at the fruits of my studies and years of labour, the medals won, read my thorough lines, and ask me anything, for I don’t keep any secrets anymore.
If you’re death, and have approached me to whisper that this time is for real, and that such time is near. I’m ready. I’ve been ready ever since the first time you insinuated me this journey’s brevity, and also on the other successive times you reminded me, in different ways, how quickly one can depart swiftly, without farewells.
If you are life, I’ve been longing for you: because even being in a better position than most, there have been times when I’ve felt I don’t have you, or that what I have of you is too little. If it is so, and you need to make it up to me, deliver yourself along with interests, so that we both are at ease. I promise to return the restricted and the stolen smiles, and not to keep anything, and to share everything good I receive.
If you are my future, then you’ve taken an eternity to get near me, for my life today has been a longer one than the world’s population average life, which means I have less and less time to get to know each other well. Do not hesitate, and come now. Just give me a sign and I approach you, if you suppose it’s not quite time yet. In either case, for me you are already late.
The thing is, I need you to come across me now. I don’t care what or who you are, do not doubt it, for it takes you nothing to suddenly appear and stand right in front of me, and say hi, I’m here. I promise to stop what I’m doing and receive you the way we receive a newborn, the expansive wave, the New Year, the final exam result, the sunlight, a bad news, the surprise party, the verdict, the uppercut on the jaw, a water sip, a rejection message, a new day.
Just stop being around me in time, stop being around me in space. Your quantum energy only causes me nervousness, excitement, and confusion. Do yourself and do me a favour and appear right here and right now.